Lucky To Have You

Finally got my hands to blog again. Hoping to make it a habit!
Anyway...today I have been at ah-ma hse for the whole day.
Cos ah ma's not feeling well so I went to look after her and cook dinner!
I wanted to take photos of my dishes but my camera is flat on batt and my HP is non-camera type.
Lolx. i have cooked :
- 鲁肉 (Law-Ba) : with 豆干 & 鸡蛋
- 黄瓜 Fried 鸡蛋 & 虾
Looking @ ah-ma I felt kinda sad, 人老了, there's nothing much you can do. Yet you have to look at all your children. wondering if they are all doing well.. and always worrying for them. (Especially my family)
全家的职业赌徒! Sometimes when I will nag on my friends who gambles alot & I will always say this :"从小我在这样的环境长大.....赌..Only ...blah blah blah", then they will say " '杀' la '杀' la grow up in this kind of family" I am wondering "simi" "杀"! I do know the word "Shame" & "embarrass". Nothing to be proud of. So having 啊龙 knocking & spilling paint is something I should feel proud of???
I HATE gambler! Yet They are all living around me. They rather LOSE their $$ & their FRIENDS/FAMILY $$ than make good use of it. Like an old saying I once heard "赌博的人吃饭没有钱, 是穷人. 到了赌场变富人" I have see too much! Thus 吃喝票赌. All this are MANY  "COMMON" characteristic of man. 有吃就有喝, its inevitable.....plus I drink too! (What Can  I expect).
As for 票. In  my philosophy, 没有不吃鱼的猫. BUT if I don't know it's OK! Cos 不知道 than what can I do! But 赌 is a NO & NEVER for me!!

Yesterday night, I did something really bad! which I felt so guilty. Me & Black, we were talking and disturbing each other while lying down on the bed. But some times his joke really "TOO MUCH" thus 我有一点玩不起. Than I scolded him "Super-white" & Fuck! May seems nothing or something to some people but we don't do it to each other especially when we quarrel. And I did it with such "Law-人" attitude. He got upset, I turn away & he kept babbling non-stop like a old-hag grumbling to herself. I was really pissed; Told him to SHUT UP but he goes on ..and on...and..on. 我忍无可忍...I turn over and punch him with all the strength I had and even though it's quite dark in the room, I could see the fear and shock in his eyes so vividly. The fear is not that he's scare of me. Is some how like "how come she turns into a monster".
When I saw that face, it's too late cos it comes after my punch. Due to my ego, I turn away. He quietly walk out of the room & went for a smoke. At the very moment, I felt a pinch in my heart. Which I can relate on how he feel. Everytime when Mic hits me, I will have that kind of fear. It's not the skin that hurts. It's within. Even though black never know how to pacify or pamper me BUT he never lay even a finger on me before. I know all guys SHOULD NOT! But if U r my BF, I think 你会杀了我! Knowing that I am like this, I am trying to change my temperament, TRYING very hard. BUT I will try to 补偿 by doing sweet nice things. BUT he always say he rather I don't hurt him. Just like the other time he bought me "i-phone" & yet when I am unhappy I SLAM it right in his face. N this is how I ended up with no-cam phone. 有时 I really feel so bad inside. 哈哈哈 BUT other then this..I still consider myself not that bad!(不要打我) :P 
I could still remember the time when he is going after me and everyone whom WE knows, told me so much things abiut him.(Nothing Good). Some times I find it so disgusting where it's people (who talks abt him) who still come looking for black to get "Kang-Tao", worse still!! Ask him for help! Whether its true or false!! 谁能无过??? You, Me, or them! Didn't U! But When get angry, I always used the words ppl told him against him. Which hurts him the most. There is once he got so fed-up but didn't know what to do. So when we were @ FLY, He got "william scorpion" to sing this song. (The reason I brought this up is because I heard this song in Cap today which makes me reminisce these memories.)





This few sentence of the lyric is what melts my hearts. Makes me feel so guilty towards him.

我也需要人來陪　不讓我心碎

其實我並不像他們說的

那樣多刺　難以安慰

愛人的心應該沒有罪

別問我是誰　請與我相戀


我的真心沒人能夠體會

看我的眼角留下的淚


我和你並沒有不同

(Hubby I love him So Much) 真的好爱你